Month: June 2012
There Was an Old Lady…
Yesterday, I went to the doctor’s office. As I was waiting my turn, an older lady came in with her health care aide. The health care worker parked the lady’s wheelchair, and I guess she […]
When I die
When I die and am no longer living and people look back over my kingdom, I’ll be remembered for very little. Sure, I’ll be remembered for Bon Jovi hatred and for the length of my […]
There Can Be Only One (But Not Necessarily Ryan Reynolds)
Salutations, Hollywood executive! You may be wondering why I’m writing you this open letter, and why my headshot is actually a full-body nude. I’ll answer your second question first: I have a lot of these […]
Daily Affirmations For Busy Bloggers
I had a rough day yesterday. I write a certain blog for a Very Large Newspaper, and while it wouldn’t be professional of me to go into details, I can boil down what happened for […]
Top-10 Creepiest Clowns Ever
I have to confess that I suffer from a disorder that currently has no cure. It’s a haunting problem that few people talk about. But I’m breaking my silence. I have coulrophobia – an acute fear […]
Bride Kidnapping Expert
Thirsty Dave asks Scurvy Jane to marry him, 67.83 times a day. Scurvy’s answer is always a defiant “I’d rather eat 65 medium-sized magnets and attach myself to a fridge than marry you, you good […]
Nobody Loves Me
Nobody loves me. When my little sister was born, my mother looked at her and said, “What a sweet baby!” When I was born, she looked at me and said, “What the hell is this?” […]