A New Tax Credit For People Who Care

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Many people in America struggle at making a living. After much investigation I’ve uncovered the primary source of this difficulty – having a conscience.

Recently I read about the two guys whose company designed and staffed the CIA’s torture program. According to the article they knew nothing about interrogation techniques. One guy’s PhD dissertation was on “blood pressure and family-relations” (which suggests his next venture might involve consulting families during the holidays: “Hey, if Uncle Joe won’t shut up about Obama, just gravy-board him – that’ll be $10,000”). They accomplished nothing but got paid $80 million. One guy retired to Florida and the other became a Mormon pastor (which makes sense because going to church is torture). Maybe they’ll team up again and start a company that turns rectal-feeding into a weight-loss diet craze.

People with a conscience just don’t know how to do things like this. They can’t hide known, fatal defects in their company’s automobiles and happily wait for the next bonus check. So having a conscience in America puts you at a distinct competitive disadvantage.

Okay, my blood pressure is rising but I don’t have that guy’s number down in Florida. So let’s move on to solutions:

The Conscience Tax Credit

This idea is a simple. It balances the playing field by acknowledging that sociopaths have a distinct advantage in America. It recognizes that as with any other disability, having a conscience isn’t a choice, it’s just something you’re born with. So the new 2015 tax form would look like this:

FlatTaxForm1

If you choose “yes” and then list your occupation as something like Teacher, Social Worker, or Fireman, the IRS looks at your income. If it’s reasonable your return is approved. But if you’re conscience-less and trying to get the credit (which of course you’d do) the IRS would see your occupation as Weapons Manufacturer and your income of $1 billion and then drag out a big red “rejected” stamp.

This isn’t perfect but it’s a start.

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