WASHINGTON. Former Vice President Dick Cheney took on a new adversary yesterday, calling on Pope Francis I to release documents to support his contention that the Spanish Inquisition produced valuable information through torture.
Cheney: “I may be irritating–but I’m irritating you!”
“The Spanish Inquisition used torture effectively, including waterboarding,” Cheney said in a speech to the Association of American Thumbscrew Manufacturers, a trade group. “Without torture, we would still be in the Dark Ages and wouldn’t know that the earth revolves around the sun.”
Spanish Inquisition: “This is gonna hurt you more than it hurts me.”
The Spanish Inquisition was an ecclesiastical tribunal established by monarchs Ferdinand II and Isabela I to maintain orthodoxy among baptized Catholics. Things got out of hand when a barrel of sacramental wine was tapped, and the body became an equal-opportunity oppressor of Jews, Muslims, Rastafarians and Shriners.
“Step on it–here comes the Spanish Inquisition!”
Cheney has maintained that secret documents within archives at the Vatican support his claim that torture is used frequently and effectively throughout the world by civilized nations and big brothers of younger siblings. “What’s Indian sunburn but torture by another name?” Cheney asked rhetorically, referring to the physical trauma inflicted by twisting the skin of another’s arm in opposite directions.
Winnie the Pooh administers a noogie: Does the UN know about this?
The Pope addressed Cheney’s allegations in his weekly encyclical and wrap-up of sports highlights. “I donta know where-a Cheney comes uppa with this stuff,” the Pope said in the bogus Italian accent he is required to use as head of the Roman Catholic church. “Everybody knows the sun revolves around the earth.”
I’m guessing that the UN, Dick Cheney and the Vatican know everything there is to know about Winnie the Pooh.
Irony is that before he became VP Cheney was viewed as one of Democrats favorite Republicans–go figure.
Hah, great! I saw an interview between Cheney and some Meet The Press guy. When the interviewer asked if keeping someone in a small box for twenty days, Cheney barked “I’ve been living in a coffin forever, it’s no big deal!”
I might be a dumb ass when it comes to torture, but it seems to me that if instead of torturing people, we treated them like kings and then they could see Americans were not so bad, they might open up more and if that doesn’t work, can’t they do truth serum? Wouldn’t that be more efficient and less deadly?