Fall Disaster Looms as Pumpkins Threaten Boycott

pumpkin picThe American Union of Pumpkins (AUP) is planning a nationwide work stoppage that could wreck this year’s fall season. The union wants more recognition for its members that is says are classed as unskilled workers with limited career opportunities.

“We’re tired of being the lowest of the low in the jobs market,” said Orange Pirateface, head of the AUP. “It takes a lot of skill to stand for hours at a time with a candle burning in your hollowed-out head.”

The union also wants extended hours. Currently, most pumpkins can only work in the fall season. Pirateface said that employers need to market pumpkins more aggressively.

“Why shouldn’t you have a glowing pumpkin in your window in August?” he said.

In some parts of the country pumpkins have formed picket lines outside of retail outlets. Police said that no trouble has been reported as yet, but there are concerns that as the fall season approaches shoppers will resent the lack of orange orbs on shelves.

“We just want respect. Some people don’t even know whether we’re a fruit or a vegetable. It’s humiliating,” said Pirateface.

 

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