Finally, a morning win | HumorOutcasts

Finally, a morning win

April 25, 2014
By

I watch a lot of crappy commercials all day long, being a lady of leisure and all. These commercials are engineered toward stay at home moms mostly, and the majority are completely off the mark. If they ever were on the mark, by the time you’ve seen them thirty-two times before 10am, it’s the last freaking product you’d buy if your grandma was on fire.

Here’s one that I thought was totally cute the first three times I saw it, and now I want to drag Susan’s pummeled body out into I35 rush hour traffic and then go eat anything…ANYTHING…but a Belvita cracker. That’s my idea of a morning win.

[embedplusvideo height=”300″ width=”576″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1hswWWN” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/Un6kN5lmFnQ?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=Un6kN5lmFnQ&width=576&height=300&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep8595″ /]

Most of the shows throughout the day are sprinkled with commercials geared to make women feel like they must buy their product to be sexy and desirable. Guess what. If you have a vagina, you’re desirable. You don’t have to church it up.

What kills me about these commercials, like the one below, is that these hussies rolling around like alley cats in heat don’t make me want to run out and buy this product. They’d like you to believe that if you buy this lipstick, you’ll be transformed into a sex goddess and all men will desire you, or maybe you’ll find yourself so attractive that you’ll just roll around on the bed all day without the need for anyone else. If you ask me, this commercial doesn’t speak to everyday women; I find these women embarrassing to watch, and I desperately hope ladies aren’t running out to buy this product based off of this particular advertisement.

[embedplusvideo height=”350″ width=”576″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1hsxWtX” standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/K51vV8x8gZ8?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=K51vV8x8gZ8&width=576&height=350&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep8284″ /]

Speaking of alley cats in heat, this video below is a must see. Put it in context with what you just saw.

[embedplusvideo height=”350″ width=”576″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1e18lh1″ standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/rxNdaa_x9XM?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=rxNdaa_x9XM&width=576&height=350&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep6948″ /]

I feel like if a company wants me to buy a product, they should gear it toward me, a real woman who’s ass looks like it’s been beaten with a bag of nickels. Or at the least not pack it full of horny women. I mean…ew. I recently saw the commercial below and I’m thinking…OK Revlon, now you’re on to something. While I realize it’s still off the mark, at least it’s full of pretty men. However, I prefer to turn the volume down so the commercial isn’t ruined with the douchey advertising.

[embedplusvideo height=”350″ width=”576″ editlink=”http://bit.ly/1e18v89″ standard=”http://www.youtube.com/v/osyx1Z1ZZlE?fs=1″ vars=”ytid=osyx1Z1ZZlE&width=576&height=350&start=&stop=&rs=w&hd=0&autoplay=0&react=1&chapters=&notes=” id=”ep2147″ /]

I figure if these commercials are going to insult my intelligence, it’s at least nice that they do it with something I actually want to look at.

How about you? What commercials annoy you? What will you buy and won’t you buy, and why?

Journey McGuire

When I'm not MMA street fighting, I'm saving kittens from sinking battleships. Writing is the only thing that matters. Besides sleeping, eating, kittens. But not eating sleeping kittens. That would be upsetting.

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8 Responses to Finally, a morning win

  1. April 26, 2014 at 5:48 am

    Oh. I’ve been avoiding putting on lipstick for fear that all men would desire me.

    • April 27, 2014 at 10:05 am

      Especially the magic lipstick in this commercial!

  2. April 25, 2014 at 8:49 pm

    When I got to the 1:10 spot of the L’oreal commercial, I became hungry for a hot dog on a bun. So, I guess the commercial worked for something… just not lip stick!

  3. April 25, 2014 at 4:00 pm

    Missy Larry Cheetos, if you hurl that Belvita cracker at the annoying chick in that commercial I will pay your bail money. Deal?

  4. April 25, 2014 at 12:06 pm

    The L’oreal commercial was about 4x too long and I would have to pause it, to write down the number of my fave colors!

    “If you have a vagina, you’re desirable.” — I see you are over your penis-envy stage! And, as a man, I have to agree with this concept.

    • April 25, 2014 at 1:01 pm

      LOL. I think most guys only need about 30 seconds of that Loreal commercial!



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