Practical space travel

You can tell alot about a person by what they take to space.

The first time I met my son, he proposed the following question to me:  “If you’re getting on a spaceship, and you have no idea where you’re going, but you can only take four things, what would they be?”

You must be thinking…wow, that’s one smart baby, but nah. My son is of the pre-baked variety. Just the way I like ’em. Out of someone else’s uterus.

Before I met him, I didn’t care for kiddos of any variety, but I was willing to give this one a shot. After all, the conversation looked promising.

I gave it a few moments of deep thought before responding, “I would take a box of wine. A cat. A flashlight, and a backup box of wine.”

Well, of course he looked at me like I was a gigantic MO-ron.

“UHHH…how ’bout FOOD, or PEOPLE, or WATER?” He was obviously unimpressed.

“Well”, I reasoned, “I could always eat the cat if worst came to worst. But in my mind, the hosting planet should be providing the food, right?”

“What? NO. You don’t even get what’s going on. You have to take stuff that makes sense.” he tells me. “What if it was a hostile planet? You don’t even have a weapon.”

“You ever been hit on the head with a flashlight? That’s no joke.”

Sigh. “Well you HAVE to have water.”

“I once knew a guy who only drank Mountain Dew for an entire 30 years. But that’s neither here nor there. Wine is mostly water. I’m set.”

“But what if you get cold?” he asks.

“I can burn the cardboard from my wine. Or do jumping jacks.”

By now he’s annoyed, and really questioning his dad’s taste in women, as was apparent by the look he shot him.

“Fine. What about people? You need people.”

“They would just drink my wine and try to eat my cat. Besides, if I’m alone I’m guaranteed to be in good company.”

He shook his head in disappointment. “Well dad.” He gave him a prophetic, sobering look. “You can tell a lot about a person by what they take to space.”