It’s still a mystery why I write this award-winning column (I label it such because after each post I award myself with a Big Ed ice cream sandwich). Perhaps I’m just tired of all these “scholar-author” atheists. These guys write books to (1) promote their stunning “intelligence” (2) avoid having to teach freshman college classes and (3) are too grim to write anything fun. So, they’re just like the “God is real” scholar-author crowd.
I, on the other hand, just want a Big Ed. That’s the sum of my reward. So you know I’m objective.
So let’s roll!! Last week my wife was attending a company retreat at a remote lodge that didn’t have cell reception. We had some travel plans to nail down, so she said she’d call on Sunday morning (time unspecified). So I was waiting at home when a friend called about breakfast. I asked him to give me an hour.
An hour passed with no call. My friend showed up. I grabbed my phone and we walked to my neighborhood center. We entered a restaurant and headed for a booth. I lowered my body to the bench.
At the precise moment my butt hit the bench my phone rang. It was my wife.
I’d like to see Christopher Hitchens explain that. Oh, right, he can’t. He’s up in heaven, arguing with God.
It’s time for that glorious ice cream cookie (further proof?).
This gets the Big Ed Lifetime Achievement Award in my book.
I have been searching for God in all the wrong places…apparently the answer is in your butt…or the ice cream, or the diner, or your wife is God, and in that case: I knew God was a woman.
This book should of being called “Atheism For Pacifiers”.
I don’t know what a Big Ed ice cream sandwich is but I want one.
Maybe if we give each other an award we could all be an award-winning columnist?
You get a Big Ed Banana Split for this one Thomas!
If I promise to be interesting and funny every time I write about my belief in God, can I have an ice cream sandwich, too?
You’re such good egg you get one whenever ya want.
Not a problem, God has a great sense of humor. At least I hope so, for my sake.