It never fails that if there is a pat down to be done at airport security, I will get it. These pat downs don’t upset me, and I don’t feel the need to go to the “private room” for that search. My husband says my hair attracts attention and that is why the TSA people focus on me. I don’t know what that means. Do the TSA people think when they see me, “Look at her hair; she sort of looks like a clown and clowns are usually nice people and don’t get mad unless they are serial killers, so she is a good person to search”?
Anyway, I headed to the airport in Dayton after the Erma Bombeck Writers’ Workshop, and I assumed I would receive that extra special “touch” of airport hospitality, so I was prepared. I took my bins, separated out my laptop from my purse, shoes, etc and went through the scanner. At the other end of the scanning tunnel, I grabbed my bins, put my laptop back in its bag, I took my purse and reached for my shoes. And this is where the problems began. There was only one shoe. The scanning tunnel ate my other shoe.
At first, I thought I just missed it in the bin, but there was no shoe to be found. The female TSA agent, who I am sure was about to ask me to step aside for my personal search, asked what was wrong. I explained the situation, and she started to search the bins, and I could see she was puzzled as well. She called to her colleague manning the scanner,
“We have a missing shoe. It’s got to be in there.” And the male TSA agent yelled back, and I’m sorry to pick on men, but this was such a male comment,
“Is she sure she had it when she walked in?”
The female agent looked at me as to say, “Is he for real?” But instead what came out of her mouth was,
“What is wrong with you? Of course, she had two shoes.” So, the search for the missing black shoe began. I had to board in less than 15 minutes and I had to walk to the last gate which meant I had to find some shoes somewhere to wear. So, the announcement went out,
“We have a missing size 5 ½ black, ballet flat shoe – it’s for a left foot.”
Frankly, I didn’t think the left foot part was necessary unless another passenger was missing a right black ballet flat in size 5 ½, but again, what do I know? About five minutes into the search, I asked if any of the airport stores sold flip flops or anything like that so I could at least have two shoes when I got off the plane in Philly. And the TSA agent said,
“You will not buy shoes; you came in with two, you are leaving with two.” I did like her confidence.
After several scans, there was no sign of my missing shoe. I was sure it wound up in someone else’s bin and they just shoved it in their laptop case with their other junk. But then another passenger, who joined in the volunteer effort, peered into the tunnel that scanned the bins and noticed a bump on the conveyor belt.
“I’ve located the black shoe. It’s there!” And she pointed to my missing shoe. A TSA guy reached into the scanner and pulled it out. There was a small round of applause when he emerged with my shoe, and I felt a bit like Cinderella when he bent down and put it on the floor. I slipped on my shoe and waved goodbye to the TSA agents as I skipped toward my gate.
The TSA in Dayton were so nice and so sympathetic to my plight and I chalked that up to those solid Midwest manners that are so apparent. I considered myself fortunate that the shoe went missing in Dayton and not in Philadelphia. I have to think that if I had informed the TSA in Philly that my shoe didn’t come out of the scanner, the response would have been:
“Can you hop?”
That sounds so much like the story of my closets and laundry, except for the part where you actually found it.
to be clear, the TSA found my shoe or rather another passenger. I was just standing there panicking.
True, but at least it turned up! Maybe I should hire a TSA agent to hunt for my mismatched socks.
All I kept thinking while reading this was…thank God it wasn’t my daughter and I coming back from a soccer tournament and the missing shoe was her cleat…the smell alone would’ve killed everyone in a five mile radius. Dayton would’ve been shut down for sure. Great post!
I am familiar with those cleats. My daughter had softball cleats and toe shoes. Damn, those ballerina shoes stink!
Darn – had it been a sock, we might have located the black hole that all lone socks fall into. And yes, I said “darn” on purpose.
that black hole is all inclusive I guess!
Don Don’s, the next time anyone even attempts to say anything about your massively kool hair, send them to me. We have a way of dealing with this type of thing in my 14 Eastern European countries!
Oh that is so good to know Bill Y. I will ship my husband over first! And is the operative word in my hair description “Massively” ?
Sorry to laugh at your expense, but this creates a mighty funny picture.
Mary, after what I put you through this weekend, you can definitely laugh at my expense!
Gee, I thought I was the only one who always gets tagged for questioning or pat-downs at airports!
In my case, I suspect it’s my foreign-looking surname, combined with the fact that I end up traveling by myself most of the time.
Okay, you can think that… LOL Just kidding.
You’re right. It’s probably the shifty eyes and the mumbling. 😉
Love this story! I especially liked the TSA lady’s response to the idiot male counterpart: “What is wrong with you? Of course, she had two shoes.”
Of course it took a fellow passenger to solve the crime. Oy.
It was so funny, but as I said at least Dayton tried to solve the problem. The bigger city airports would have cut me loose.
“Oh, this lady is DEFINITELY hiding something in her hair.” Very funny.
Yup, I do believe that is what they think!
Whoa, who would ever suspect a shoe that went in a scanner and didn’t leave the scanner, would still be in the scanner. You need to attend “So you don’t want to look like a Dayton terrorist” workshops.
Hey, it took everything in me to keep my mouth shut. The last thing I want is to wind up on someone’s terrorist list – even Dayton’s.
That is crazy! So glad they found it and the woman was your advocate too!
That was such a guy response too! Of course I am sure I had both shoes on!!
Wish I had been there to observe this little caper! Hilarious!
It would have been funny if you and Emily were there for that one Mary! I could not believe it.
What a precious story! Haha… made my morning!
Thanks so much! I am willing to share it as it had a happy ending!
I wonder if there is a big lost-and-found box of spare, single shoes in the back?
I would not be surprised Keith! So nice to see you here!!
Glad they found your shoe and you were in Dayton and not Arizona. A woman threw a shoe at Hillary Clinton however when they escorted her out she was wearing two shoes, hmmm the plot would have thickened,lol! Welcome back!
That wasn’t me Deb! I love Hillary! And I swear I didn’t throw it at anyone else either!
Those TSA agents will be required to go through mandatory retraining. Their manners were far too soft and their nastiness quotient was lacking. They’ll have to go through “Insensitivity Training.” 🙂
I guess they will let Philly people re-train them! 🙂