I was sitting in the hospital lounge waiting for my neighbor’s colonoscopy to be done. For the record, she asked me to go; I don’t crash colonoscopies. Anyway, I was forced to watch The View as that was the show blaring on the big screen TV. I must admit they had the most intriguing story. A man—I didn’t get where he was from—killed a spider in his home.
I know what you are thinking, “Why did this make the news?” Well, this is why. The man decided to forego the traditional arachnid eliminator techniques such as shoes, baseball bats, books, 9 mm guns, etc. and go instead for a cigarette lighter and a can of spray paint.
They didn’t show the size of this spider, but to use fire and a fire propellant makes me think this spider had to be the size of a small condominium. I’m not sure who is dumber in this scenario: the man who thought setting the beast on fire was a good idea or the spider who stayed still while the man was planning his demise. If the spider had a brain in his head he would have thought,
“Wow, this guy is just staring at me and not trying to do me in, but holding a lighter. I wonder what’s up with that. Maybe I should mosey on to some other location until I figure this human out.” But no, the spider stayed put while the guy doused him with spray paint. Maybe the bug wanted a new look. Who knows. I am assuming the spray paint was already in the house and the guy didn’t have to make an emergency Home Depot trip to obtain a new can of the aforementioned accelerant. I wonder if he had a certain paint color in mind, or if he had to decide between high gloss and matte finish. In any case, if he did have to go to Home Depot, why the hell didn’t he walk down the insecticide aisle and purchase a more practical bug killer?
As for the spider, I have no pity for it really. I don’t like spiders in any shape or form. They are not cute or cuddly. They are just gross. I know they kill mosquitoes and other pests, but I think if God wanted me to appreciate them more, he could have made them more appealing–like a puppy or kitten.
Back to the idiot with the lighter and spray paint. I know this sounds like I am stereotyping, but I just have a feeling this guy’s favorite show is either Duck Dynasty or Swamp Murders or something like that. Anyway, he sprayed the spider and proceeded to ignite it with the lighter and his house went on fire. I know…big surprise, but it went on fire so quickly that it almost burned to the ground.
The firemen came, the police joined them, and in the end the spider-hating nitwit was left with more than $60,000 in damage and a reputation for being really stupid. No one knows what happened to the spider. And so no one thinks there is not a humorous twist to this sad tale, rumor has it that the as the firemen were putting out the flames, one of them uttered, “I guess we have a new definition of the term Fire Bug.”
Donna, this is hilarious!! LMAO! I know that’s probably mean, but it’s really stupid! And I agree with your guess as to the ‘background’ of this guy. I had the same image in my head as I was reading this. I hate HATE spiders too, and am terrified of them. But spray paint and a lighter?….really??!! Wow. Thanks for the laugh! Sharing away!
Thanks so much Joy! It’s hard not to stereotype this guy. Thanks for stopping by and reading!
Revenge of the Spider! What a title for a sci-fi movie!
or an odd sitcom.
This is too funny! Last week I heard a story about a man and I think he was local which really has me worried but anyway his house got TPed by teenagers. His brillant idea (they must be related) was to burn the toilet paper out of the trees etc. Needless to say he got the toilet paper…the trees…his house…AND HIS CAR!!!!
For real? Setting TP on fire and he didn’t know what would happen? Each day, I worry about people more and more! Thanks so much for reading Rena!
I KNOW! they said he did something like $225,000 worth of damage!
When this guy is not spraying painting spiders he is crashing colonoscopies.
Hey colonoscopies are a fun way to pass the day!
Not if you’re the one getting it! 😉
So I gotta know…did the spider die? 🙂
I don’t want to ruin the surprise but I heard he is the special guest on an upcoming episode of “A Haunting”
Donna, I must say I’ve been tempted to burn my house down to kill a large spider! Then sanity kicked in and I used a fly-swatter. Funny post!!
Gee Deb, a swatter? Not that imaginative but then you still have a house! Good job!
That is some opening line Don Don’s! I can well understand why you wanted to clear things up, after it!
well, Bill Y, I didn’t want anyone to think I do colonoscopies as a hobby.
That spider must’ve run under everything flammable. Which Is what i’d do if I was set ablaze. And we need at least a comedy film called Colonscopy Crashers, if not a TV series.
Would the Colonoscopy Crashers Show use a one camera or three-camera sitcom set up? For this, I think the less the better.
Why I don’t find this situation at all surprising (which gives you an indication of what I undergo on a daily basis in this small town), I need to know whether this person has won the 2014 Darwin award.
That is really a scary place you live in Maura! We might have to re-locate you at some point.
Tell me this happened in Florida! I think the sun there bakes the brain cells.
Believe it or not Mike, Washington State near Seattle.
OMG this sounds like something I would do—-but with a cockroach. I’m phobic, what can I say? FUNNY post, Donna!!!
I am with you Marcia and I hate to admit this but I was outside last night with flying insect spray trying to get rid of the freaking Japanese Beetles.
I’d like to subscribe to the Buddhist theory on killing bugs but….
I know, but when you are face to face with them and they are in your house, the survival instinct takes over! Thanks so much reading and commenting Carol!
Loved that “small condominium” line. I think we should run a scan on that guy’s brain. I have a feeling not a lot of activity is going on in there.
Ewwww….I’m all for kill it with fire. There should be special insurance for it so you can move to a new spider free house when you’re done.
Okay, Liv we have to chat. I don’t think any insurance company is going to go with that. I don’t think they will even pay for icky spider fires. Promise me you will use a shoe or bug spray! 🙂
I have a big strong spider killer in my house. He’s my own special spider insurance. Don’t worry.