3-year-old daughter: *watches me type* That’s the wrong letter Me: You can’t read 3: But I know when you’re wrong. She’s already a woman.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2014
Boss: Bear in mind- Me: There’s a bear in your mind?! Him: Me: Him: Me: Him: You’re an idiot. Me: Is that you or the bear talking?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 16, 2014
Wife: If you’re listening to me, then what did I just say? Me: The price of erotic lawn gnomes is too high in Spain. Wife: Lucky guess.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2014
Sales guy: The Xbox One obeys voice commands. Me: Xbox, be my friend. It ignored me just like a real person. Technology is amazing.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2014
Me: Comb your hair so you’ll be pretty 3-year-old: Am I not pretty if I don’t comb it? M: You’re always pretty 3: So why comb it? Touché
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 15, 2014
I think every job should employ one of you. You’d provide great stress relief. “I’m going to take my Breakwell now.” See how well that works?
My boss should just pay me to work for our competition. I destroy everything I touch. It’s a gift, really.
I’m not sure what impresses me more: the fact that your wife continues to live at home or your boss continues to employ you! LOL Just so funny
I wonder if his wife and my wife should start some kind of recovery group …
We’re all screwed if they ever learn to work together.