I can’t wait until the iPhone 6 gets an app that lets people who own an iPhone 6 shut up about the iPhone 6.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014
Wife: You always change the subject after you lie. Me: No I don’t. Wife: Me: Did you know a pterodactyl isn’t technically a dinosaur?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014
4-year-old: Why doesn’t the dog wear pants? Me: Because he’s a dog 4: Why do I have to wear pants? Me: 4: Me:*makes the dog wear pants*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014
Grandma: *empties purse on the table* Me: Why do you have a switchblade for bingo night? Grandma: They wouldn’t sell me a gun.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014
4-year-old: *sees a sex scene on TV* Why did they take off their clothes? Me: Their shirts were haunted.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 25, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrqMm1 2/25/14: pic.twitter.com/E5a0aDk3fL
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 18, 2014