How to grow a ghost chili: 1) Grow a regular chili. 2) Murder it. This is why people unfollow me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014
My mom: Your brother got another promotion. Me: I got followed on Twitter by a cam whore who dresses up like a clown. Mom: You’re adopted.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014
2-year-old: I have a headband. Me: Yeah. 2: You don’t. Me: OK. 2: Me: 2: You look stupid.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014
If your Facebook relationship status is “It’s complicated,” I assume one or both of you has hostages.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 29, 2014
Me: Long ago there was a happy prince. The end. 4: There were more letters than that. What did it really say? Me: Thhheee eeennnddd.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 30, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/1/14: pic.twitter.com/uFCbMZEU8F
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 22, 2014