“I own a boat.”—people who own boats, in every conversation that has nothing to do with boating
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2014
“Fuck you. I have a lightsaber.”—the only thing I would ever say if I had a lightsaber
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2014
“Oops. Sorry about that. Excuse me. My bad.”—a Canadian, while he murders you
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2014
Me: Did you see that shooting star? Friend: No, where? *George Clooney runs down the street firing an assault rifle*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2014
I love your personality, girl. Especially the way it fills out that shirt and bounces up and down when you run.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 15, 2014