Me: *sits up in bed* Who makes the ribbon for the ribbon cutting ceremony at a new ribbon factory? Wife: Sleep on the couch.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 12, 2014
4-year-old: Another girl at daycare is going to dress up as Elsa, too. Me: That’s fun. You’ll have a twin. 4: I hope she dies.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2014
My 2-year-old threw a fit because clouds were blocking the moon. Apparently I’m raising a werewolf.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2014
4-year-old: *sings* The really big spider went up the waterspout Me: It’s “itsy bitsy spider” 4: Not the one in our house Me:*moves out*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2014
Me: Do you think I’m kind of an asshole sometimes? Wife: No. Me: Wife: I think you’re a complete asshole all the time.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 11, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/18/14: pic.twitter.com/Bq6cDBLuX2
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 3, 2014