Me: I could survive alone in the woods. Wife: You left a picnic early because you forgot your ChapStick. I’m not an animal.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2014
4-year-old: Does this movie have zombies? Me: No, it’s a stupid chick flick your mom picked. 4: It should have zombies in it. Amen.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2014
My 2-year-old waved to an empty room and said, “Bye bye.” She better have an imaginary friend because I am NOT paying for another exorcism
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2014
I don’t need to take my 2-year-old to a haunted house. I took her through a revolving door. She’s still screaming.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2014
My 4-year-old told me that my cooking tastes bad. I’d take her opinion more seriously if her favorite flavor wasn’t toothpaste.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 13, 2014
From http://t.co/RcDTQy3VFN 3/20/14: pic.twitter.com/jGqHJTfjqS
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 5, 2014