Me: *unloads the groceries* 4-year-old: You forgot to buy cookies. Me: I didn’t want to buy cookies. 4: Now she knows monsters are real.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2014
Me: Every single one of my tweets bombed today. Wife: Me: Wife: Me: I could use a hug. Wife: Don’t touch me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
4-year-old: What if the big bad wolf blows down our house? Me: He can’t do that anymore. 4: Why? Me: Lawsuits.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 15, 2014
Me:*reads Hansel & Gretel* They literally ate her out of house & home 4-year-old: Me: Get it? It’s a candy house 4: Fucking preschoolers
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2014
4-year-old: My sister won’t share the Barbies with me. Me: Go over there and work it out. 4: Me: 4: First I need ninja stars.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/21/14: pic.twitter.com/Xs8WrGuUqG
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 6, 2014