4-year-old: What’s Monopoly?
Me: It’s a board game adults play when they don’t want to be friends anymore.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
4-year-old: Which rainbows have black?
Me: None of them.
4: I think some do.
Everybody keep your eyes open for a gothbow.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
Me: My wife won’t share the Cheez-Its.
911: That’s not an emergency.
Me: They’re the extra cheesy kind.
911: I’m sending the SWAT team.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
My 4-year-old cries until she gets her way.
Today she threw a fit when she lost a game.
Turns out Super Mario Bros. doesn’t give a shit.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
If you don’t think there’s discrimination in the NBA, explain why the Bulls never signed any of Michael Jordan’s teammates from “Space Jam.”
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 18, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyr8D7T 3/25/14: pic.twitter.com/hDNU5CG01P
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) September 10, 2014