My wife texted me to ask how many beers I’ve had.
My phone changed “none” to “nine.”
Autocorrect is a fucking narc.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014
4-year-old: What’s for lunch?
Me: It’s Thanksgiving. What do you think?
4:
Me:
4: Tacos?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014
I won’t be tweeting today so I can spend Thanksgiving with my family.
Just kidding.
I’d light myself on fire before I’d put down my phone.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014
4-year-old: Why did dinosaurs stink?
Me: No, they’re EXTINCT.
4:
Me:
4: Is it because they didn’t take baths?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014
My wife and I each had a role in Thanksgiving dinner.
She cooked and I took a nap.
It's called teamwork.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 27, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/3/14: pic.twitter.com/3UutmWGpV6
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) November 20, 2014