My wife asked me to carry our 9-foot Christmas tree up three flights of stairs. Now I’m Jewish.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2014
Me: Clean up your room. 2-year-old: I don’t have to. Me: Why not? 2: I’m fabulous.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2014
4-year-old: I made you a cookie. You have to eat it. Me: It’s made of Play-Doh. 4: Me: 4: Me: *eats the cookie*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2014
4-year-old: I can’t wait until the baby is older. Me: Why? 4: So I’ll have someone else to fight with.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 28, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/4/14: pic.twitter.com/1Bm2RCbhTa
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) November 20, 2014