4-year-old: It’s bad luck if a black cat crosses your path. Me: No it’s not. 4: It is if it’s a panther. Touché.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2014
4-year-old: Do you know how much I love you? Me: How much? 4: Seventeen. I’m not sure how to feel about that.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
Waiter: I’m sorry. We don’t have any high chairs. Me: Did all the chairs pass a drug test? Waiter: Me: Waiter: Never eat here again.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2014
Wife: I want a back rub. And no funny business. 4-year-old: Don’t worry. Daddy’s never funny.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 4, 2014
I’d be a lot better at social situations if I knew how to roundhouse kick people in the face.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 3, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/9/14: pic.twitter.com/hGj8Bk09Tr
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) November 28, 2014