Me: Time for church.
4-year-old: We went last week.
Me: We have to go every week.
4: Why? Is there something new in the Bible?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2014
Me: Why are you crying?
4-year-old: Mommy said I have to wear my pink shoes, not my purples shoes.
Me: Are you going to die?
4: Probably.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2014
[in Bethlehem]
Little drummer boy: Shall I play my drum for him?
Mary: What the fuck is wrong with you? The baby is asleep.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2014
My 4-year-old daughter made a kissy face at a boy at daycare.
I told her that was cute.
Then I sent her to a convent.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2014
Me: Do I have a girly run?
Wife: I’ve never seen you run. All you do is prance.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) December 7, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrZqw5 6/13/14: pic.twitter.com/HZ6VDLTbxT
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) December 3, 2014