Congrats to LeBron for being the first person in human history to successfully escape Ohio and then go back by choice.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 11, 2014
Boss: You were napping
Me: No I wasn’t
Boss: You drew eyes on Post-it notes & stuck them to your face
Me: Liar! *draws on angry eyebrows*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 11, 2014
In hell, there’s no in-flight movie and the only person to talk to is a vegan atheist who does CrossFit.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 12, 2014
There’s a big difference between “adult supervision” and “dad supervision.” Guess which one my kids had when they microwaved those DVDs.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 11, 2014
This is a shoutout to the best wife in the world. Not my wife of course, but someone has to be the best, so congrats to you, whoever you are
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 11, 2014