I don’t return calls. If it was important, they’ll either call back or never speak to me again. Either way, I win.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2014
I’d never use a child leash to keep my kids under control. Tranquilizer darts are a different story.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2014
My superpower is knowing exactly what not to say the second after I’ve already said it.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2014
I’d be awesome at home improvement projects if my house were made out of Legos.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2014
I’m not here to crush your hopes and dreams. That’s what reality is for.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 29, 2014