Jesus: *stubs toe on coffee table*
Damn it!
*coffee table goes straight to hell*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2014
4-year-old: Can I tell you something?
Me: You can tell me anything. I’m your dad.
4: I don’t like bacon.
Me: Leave. Now.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2014
4-year-old: *causes a scene in church*
Me: Everyone is looking at us. I can feel their eyes.
4: Are they squishy?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2014
Me: Do you want music lessons?
4-year-old: Sometimes I make my burps sound different.
I guess that’s settled.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2014
4-year-old: Why does Mom always yell at you?
Me: She’s jealous of how perfect I am
4:
Me:
4: So she yells at you because you deserve it?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 17, 2014