4-year-old: I have snow powers like in “Frozen.”
Me: No you don’t.
4: *throws an ice cube at my head*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 31, 2014
4-year-old: *draws on the wall*
Me: I told you to only draw on paper!
4: But it’s wallpaper.
Touché.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 31, 2014
4-year-old: What does “fucked” mean?!
Me: Where’d you hear that word?
4: From you.
Me: It’s what I am when your mom finds out.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 1, 2014
I challenged my 2-year-old to a fight with Nerf guns.
She stabbed me with a fork.
Next time I’ll specify no bayonets.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 31, 2014
4-year-old: Stop! I’m the line leader. Get behind me.
Me: Fine.
4:
Me:
4:
Me:
4: Where are we going?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 31, 2014