There are two kinds of people in the world: 1) People who like cheese on their burgers. 2) Terrorists.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 14, 2014
A hipster is just a guy who took getting into a woman’s pants too literally.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 15, 2014
4-year-old daughter: Can I marry Aladdin? Me: I think he’s already married. 4: I can fix that.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 14, 2014
[watching “Project Runway”] My wife: That outfit is in bad taste. 4-year-old: All clothes taste bad. You’re not supposed to eat them.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 14, 2014
4-year-old: I’m too tired to clean up my toys. Me: Then go to bed. 4: I’m only too tired to do stuff that isn’t fun.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 14, 2014