I don’t need some metrosexual fashion magazine to tell me how to dress. I’m a real man. My wife dresses me.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2014
Telemarketer: Am I speaking to the man of the house? Me: *puts my wife on the phone*
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2014
4-year-old: If storks bring baby people, who brings baby storks? Me: Pterodactyls. I pity her first science teacher.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2014
2-year-old: Why doesn’t my little sister talk? Me: She’s just a baby. 2: Is she lazy?
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 19, 2014
4-year-old: I’m a vampirate! Me: That’s not a thing. 4: It’s a vampire pirate. Duh. I have so much to learn about the world.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 18, 2014
From http://t.co/HTDVyrqMm1 2/18/14: pic.twitter.com/nAMqzYqIJ6
— James Breakwell (@James_Breakwell) August 11, 2014