I took my 4-year-old to a museum. Her favorite part was the sliding door at the entrance. Next time I’ll just take her to the grocery store.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014
4-year-old: Why is that lady in a wheelchair? Lady in the wheelchair: I’m a transformer, but I got stuck two wheels short of a car.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014
4-year-old: Can you hold my rubber ducky? Me: *takes the ducky* Why? 4: I dropped it in the toilet.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014
Wife: I can’t wait to see my friend’s baby. Me: You already have a baby. Wife: Yeah, but I can give hers back when it poops.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014
[in church] 2-year-old: HEY DADDY- Me: Shhh. 4-year-old: HE SAID SHHH! 2: 4: I’M A GOOD HELPER.
— Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 7, 2014