Once again, this year’s annual “Walk to End Alzheimer’s” concluded without anyone discovering a cure. Thousands participated in the race, lasting over 3 miles, but when the last walker crossed the finish line, Alzheimer’s continued to ravage many of America and the world’s elderly.
Race organizer Molly Stonebender:
“Well, after the race, I called my mom. I had high hopes, but she still didn’t know who I was. But maybe we’re going about this all wrong. We opened this up for pretty much anybody to sign up and run. Maybe we should have been a little more selective and invited just scientists and medical technicians. I mean, jeez…There were 126 kids out there walking. In hindsight, most of them haven’t even taken middle school science. Once again, all we really have to show for this stupid walk is this gigantic pile of money. This is just like that dumb ice bucket challenge where everybody dumped ice on their heads and still no cure for ALS. Just millions and millions of stupid dollars. I think we’re going to have to rethink our entire strategy.”
Alzheimer’s disease is classified as a neurodegenerative disorder which affects over 27 million people worldwide and can be identified by memory loss, confusion, irritability, trouble with language, and even aggression, ultimately leading to loss of bodily functions and death.
Despite the organizers’ obvious disappointment over not finding a cure, they took some small comfort in hearing that three sets of keys, a pair of sunglasses, and a used condom were found.