News from Noah
A few new guests have arrived at my home sweet home – all females. And this usually means their human partners are female too. Woman and the horses that manage them – it is a curious tradition that governs most stables.
Fortunately for us, the female attraction to horses begins at an early age and often lasts a lifetime. This is good because according to CNN breaking news airing in our poker room, we need lots of clever women to untangle the world’s snags. Now, I don’t know a greenhouse gas from a hothouse geranium, but the women I hang out with can figure out how to make most things run properly.
In my experience, they resolve their conflicts without the use of a lot of foul language or firearms. Well, maybe an off-color joke or an uncouth burp now and then, but mostly I hear females settling their disagreements in cordial, law-abiding methods.
What’s more, women know how to get along with tricky horses. Show me a cow horse that’s bored with cattle, and I’ll find you a woman who can change his mind. Or, let me introduce a reluctant dressage prospect to a savvy female. In no time, this problem student is crazy about full bridles and performing pirouettes. Maybe it’s their innate knack for diplomacy that enables women to change a Clydesdale with a stinky attitude into a winning cribbage player.
These horse partnerships also provide women a perfect antidote to a midlife crisis. For those who can’t afford to travel the world seeking their bliss, or studying Hindu Sanskrit, a tactful horse makes a perfect midlife companion. We make dandy travel buddies and fine dinner dates as well.
Let me also mention the curious connection between our girlish mates and good food. In short, they know their way around the kitchen. That’s not to say they belong in the kitchen. Oh no. They belong anywhere they choose to be, whether it’s the Old Country Buffet salad line or the Supreme Court. I just happen to know that Madam and her horse chums turn out fabulous food, including fabulous birthday cakes and horse treats that magically appear in my room.
So, all this leads me to a food chat we visit daily at our house: When do I get to sign up for “Cooking with Chef Cal?” Not classes that feature Brussels sprouts quiche or kumquat casserole. I want to learn how to serve up the good stuff—kid-tested, horse-friendly party food. You never know, this could even land me a new career as Emeril Lagasse’s sous chef.
Yes, I know these inspirations of mine require a little assistance from my assistant. But remember, we’re talking about a woman. Not only is she sterling on the keyboard, Madam knows a thing or two about operating the KitchenAid mixer and all those attachments that go with it. It certainly sounds like a winning recipe to me!
I once read that it was probably a woman who first discovered that it’s possible to plant food-bearing organisms where you want them to grow instead of having to go out looking for them all the time. Thus was agriculture invented. This, in turn, led to the development of cities which, in turn led to the development of commerce, laws and civilization in general.
So, you see, we women are responsible for bringing mankind out of the stone age.
It was probably some man who invented the wheel, but who cares?
OMG, I think you’re right!
a question for the equestrian– is that horse wearing a lampshade? i Like the idea of settling things without guns. 🙂
Believe it or not it’s a paper chef’s hat. Looks like a tube top! The horse will wear anything we put on him.
As an X equestrian (no $ in the breeches pockets!) I can say that I am adept at other challenges. I consider myself a ‘jack-of-all-trades,’ however I truly cannot cook. Honestly, cooking frightens and intimidates the breeches off of me. Thank goodness that some woman invented the microwave! (Didn’t one???)
Surely it must have been a woman who invented such a device. I don’t really understand this cozy relationship between my horsewomen friends and good food. Maybe they’re all Episcopalians. 🙂