I would never wish to be accused of piling on but, like all good journalists, if you receive additional information you must disclose it to our hoards of readers. Things you didn’t know about our favorite handsome big game hunting dentist:
1. When administering root canals he loved to muffle screams by wearing football cleats while standing on a rug made of live puppies
2. The Vikings is his favorite team. He has, however, replaced the horns on his Viking’s helmet with longhorns he poached from the Lazy Eye Ranch.
3. He once stacked 68 donuts on his Viking Longhorn hat, enough to insure every one of his waiting room patients got cavities.
4. On his den wall is the head of Crunch, the mascot for the Minnesota Timberwolves.
5. Walter shot Crunch using a Mathews Riot Bow from 60′. He did so because he saw a few small children approaching Crunch and he knows what Timberwolves do to small children.
6. Crunch tried to escape by leaping off a trampoline but Palmer’s arrow was accurate enough to bring Crunch down in one shot.
7. Palmer’s assistants are instructed to play Wagner when doing teeth cleanings.
8. Palmer has a tiny bow with novocaine tipped arrows he uses to numb your gums.
9. You might think the string of teeth Palmer wears around his neck comes from tigers and lions and bears but you’d be wrong.
10. Palmer once shot an elephant in his pajamas. Then he killed Groucho Marx.
