Are You a Worrywart? This Cruise is for You!

If you are a pessimist who is still searching for the ideal summer vacation, look no further. Real Life Cruises has announced the launch of its Pessimists Cruise, designed especially for people who love to go on holiday and be miserable.

The package includes flights from seven of the most depressing cities in the US to Camden Heavy Oil Terminal, New Jersey, where the disheveled cruise ship, Toxic Sun, is berthed. At Camden, worrywart passengers are shoved aboard the vessel by a scurvy crew.

Every cabin has a space where the balcony would be located if there was one, drafty portholes, noisy air vents, and a toilet that flushes every six minutes. Each personal attendant has hygiene issues and a number of very irritating habits.

The Toxic Sun only sails during bad weather when the vessel’s wave-induced rolling motion is at a maximum. That queasy feeling that every grumpy passenger loves to complain about is helped by a food menu rich in grease and leftovers from previous cruises.

As if that is not bad enough, a packed schedule of onboard entertainment includes comedians who think they are funny, tedious games run by really annoying entertainers, and a cabaret that features the hugely avoidable Lederhosen Yodeling Troupe.

The award-losing itinerary is sure to impress even the most hardened doom merchant. Toxic Sun calls at a deserted island that is reputed to have been used to test anthrax spores during the Cold War, and a mystery, downtrodden port that has never seen better days. For pessimists who like to grumble about being pooped on by seabirds, the ship also visits an artificial island that receives refuse from major cities along the US Eastern seaboard.

If this sounds like your kind of vacation book soon, because Real Life Cruises reports that it has been underwhelmed by the response to its Pessimists Cruise.

Photo: Wikimedia