Drachma Drama: Greece Decides to Exit Europe

Greece plans to leave the Eurozone as soon as possible. The shock decision was announced today by the Greek government, which has become increasingly bitter over the austerity measures imposed by European governments as part of a financial bailout package.

“Greece is quitting Europe. We will pull up stakes as soon as we’ve found a suitable location elsewhere on the globe, and take everything with us,” said Spyro Giros, the newly appointed Minister of Moving.

A number of countries have made confidential offers to give Greece a new home. “We are giving places with a warm climate and awesome night life top priority,” Giros said. The final list will be released in a few weeks, meanwhile, here are the favorites.

China. The Chinese government is keen to offer the Greeks free space anywhere in the country. “Let’s see what those pro-democracy demonstrator assholes in Hong Kong do when the historic Seat of Democracy is part of China,” gloated a government official.

India. Greece’s population is about 11 million; more than 18 million people live in just one city in India, Mumbai. “We won’t even notice it,” said a high-ranking civil servant.

North Korea. Kim Jong-un, North Korea’s Supreme Leader, maintains that his country is the rightful home of Greece since he is a Greek god and should be living on Mount Olympus.

US. Two US locations are vying to attract Greece: Las Vegas and Florida. Casino owners in Vegas are salivating at the prospect of turning the Acropolis into a mall/hotel/casino complex. Apparently Disney wants to turn Greece into a theme park.

Saudi Arabia. In the wake of plummeting oil prices the Saudis are looking for a tourist attraction to replace their oil industry.

Back in Europe there is a hot debate over what to do with the land mass that the Greeks plan to vacate. The Scots might move in to finally get away from the British Parliament.

Photo: Wikimedia