Florida. What’s Not To Love?

I’m a big fan of South Florida because it’s so dysfunctional. Dysfunction can be highly amusing as long as you’re not directly affected by it.

The New York Times recently reported on a synthetic drug from China that is causing alarm in the Fort Lauderdale area. Called alpha-PVP, the drug causes hallucinations in which users often become convinced that packs of dogs or people are chasing them. It also raises your body temperature significantly. In one reported episode, a young woman was seen running naked down a street and screaming that she was Satan (police suspect that she was either a user of this new drug or one of the Palins). And a guy was seen running down the street wearing only tennis sneakers.

Apparently, street chemists pick South Florida to launch their new products because stuff like this happens so frequently that it just seems normal. Which means it takes authorities a while to catch on to the presence of a new drug.

Over time some drugs morph from their original, intended use to a new one. Think anti-depressants being used to help counter insomnia. I see two new applications for this drug (which fortunately contains the chemical alpha-pyrrolidino-valerophenone):

Workout Aid

Do you struggle with workout motivation? I know I do. Last winter I wiped out jogging on a treadmill at the gym, and in the summer I usually stop running around the lake and just walk so I can check out all the puppies. Like me, you might struggle with motivation. But just imagine your motivation level while being pursued by a pack of dogs. You’d burn all the calories you need to in no time.

Career Advancement

Are you gunning for the VP spot at work? Is the competition for that job tough? You could get an advanced degree and take one of those Dale Carnegie classes on leadership. Or you could spend $5 on a packet of alpha-PVP and slip the powder into your competitor’s coffee. Nothing kills your chances of promotion quite like running through the office naked and screaming about German Shephards.

You gotta love South Florida. I, for one, will be sad to see it go underwater.