Is There A Link Between Fast Food And Evolution?

The general in charge of recruiting for the US Army recently warned that 10% of recent candidates were turned away for being too heavy. He claimed that by the end of the decade, so many people will be overweight that the military will be unable to field an army.

This trend has national security implications. Without troops, you can’t launch ground invasions into 3^rd world countries. So, fewer people end up hating you and your nation becomes more secure over time.

It also has benefits at the individual level. If you’re overweight you don’t have to worry about experiencing something like this:

That right there makes me want to walk back into 7-11 and buy a second Big Gulp.

I’m starting to think that obesity is actually an evolutionary event moving the world forward. Which is why it’s so hard to counter. As a nation of hard-guys morphs into a nation of man-boobs, it has less energy for war and therefore less chance of bringing destruction upon itself.

If you look around the world, “modern” nations that are wolfing down junk food are largely peaceful. But “less-modern” nations that still have traditional, healthy food are often immersed in constant internal conflict. Here’s what that tells me:

Evolution noticed that healthy food gave people too much energy and nutrition. So it slowly replaced it with garbage, starting in America. It then spread McDonald’s all over the world in an effort to save humanity by reducing its ability to run while carrying a heavy weapon. Which tells me that places like Syria and Iraq don’t need compromise or UN peace negotiators. They need Chick-Fil-A.

Maybe there’s a reason this guy doesn’t look like the one pictured above: