My chipmunk can beat up your chipmunk–
seriously, he can.
When my chipmunk walks on the basketball court
the other chipmunks go “You da man!”
He is storied in song and poem,
like the one you hold in your hand.
He’s the toughest chipmunk on my property
if not in the entire land.
He hides in the stone wall on our driveway
waiting for your chipmunk to come along.
He creates a false sense of security
before doing your chipmunk grievous wrong.
Sometimes it’s assault and battery,
other times merely a threat.
You’d think he harbored a grudge
or was trying to collect a debt.
When the bell rings and the round-card girl
holds up her little sign,
only one chipmunk will take a beating
and I don’t think it’s going to be mine.
You say you want to see my chipmunk
but I can’t accommodate you on that
because as tough as my chipmunk is
he was recently killed by my cat.
As Edmund Burke said, the only thing necessary for evil chipmunks to triumph is for evil cats to do nothing.
He’s a chipmunk off the old block
Is it me or does this “rodent” have a chip on his shoulder?