Syrian Refugees Refusing To Move To Texas, Louisiana, or Alabama | HumorOutcasts

Syrian Refugees Refusing To Move To Texas, Louisiana, or Alabama

November 17, 2015
By

Refugees

As thousands of Syrian refugees flee the terrors of both a brutal Syrian regime and the despicable terrorist scourge known as ISIS, many are refusing to be settled in many American states, most notably Texas, Louisiana, and Alabama.

Many refugees, desperate for survival, spoke with an interpreter about potential landing spots:

“We are attempting to flee from religious tyranny, where bigots wield power with a horrendously warped theology. And you think we’d like Alabama? Is this a joke? We’ve had enough of being governed by religious zealots looking to impose their alleged morality on citizens.”

“Where we come from, schools can barely function at the most minimum standards of education. And many of them are ruled by extremist theocrats using public dollars. How would Louisiana be any different?”

“Texas? Texas? Fuck that. I’ll take my chances with ISIS.”

This intrepid reporter will continue to follow this story and hopefully be able to report that the refugees have been able to settle in a place that is actually better than the one they left.

Eric Hetvile

Wanted in 14 states. But those states suck, anyway.

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5 Responses to Syrian Refugees Refusing To Move To Texas, Louisiana, or Alabama

  1. November 18, 2015 at 6:11 am

    I think people have legitimate fears and while blockading refugees is not the answer, Syrian refugees need to be watchdogs and informants on anyone who they think might have terrorist ties and there needs to be better screening or what happened in Paris will happen here–and unfortunately, it will happen here again in some form. As the experts say, Syrians tend not to turn others in even those escaping horrible situations, so you can’t put totally innocent people in the potential of harm’s way just because we want to help. The system of screening has to improve. I don’t think it’s fair to shut out people completely, but I do think the concern and upgraded screening is fair. I’m curious Eric, what would be your solution to this dilemma?

    • November 18, 2015 at 11:17 am

      I don’t know what the screening process is or whether it needs to improve. I do know that the process takes 12-18 months and is claimed to be vigorous. So much that we’ve already taken hundreds of thousands of refugees without incident. Chris Christie said something like he “wouldn’t even accept a 3 year old orphan.” I think if we’re real about this, we probably have less to worry about from refugees than we do from our own depressed American teenagers.

      • November 18, 2015 at 2:18 pm

        Honestly, I am not sure anymore and while I don’t mind refugees coming in, I hate the rhetoric that is surfacing on the left of which I tend to sit and that is The fear of the refugees is valid because they are victims and our fear is invalid and we are hard-hearted asses. Terrorist groups are growing and believe it or not, it is not all the US’ fault. I think it’s not hard ass or repugnant to have vigilant screening in place. I don’t want to see another 9/11, Paris, Boston or anything else and the refugees should understand that. I think we all need to pause, figure out what is going on and then open the doors slowly.

        • November 18, 2015 at 3:43 pm

          It is truly a slow process, as I understand it. They aren’t all lining up at the border and sprinting for the hills as soon as a gun goes off. And Europe is doing the heavy lifting here, numbers wise. But anyway, can’t a guy just make a damn joke?! 🙂

  2. November 17, 2015 at 3:58 pm

    Love this. Right on the money.



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