25 Reasons You Should Marry a Waffle | HumorOutcasts

25 Reasons You Should Marry a Waffle

August 24, 2016
By
She Said Yes!

She Said Yes!

A Sweet Proposal

A Sweet Proposal

Wednesday, August 24th is National Waffle Day! It also happens to be the day I would have celebrated my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. After investing so many years in one failed relationship, I am fully evaluating what characteristics I desire in a potential future partner. The more I think about it, the more I realize that a waffle would make a really great spouse. So, in honor of National Waffle Day, I present:

25 Reasons You Should Marry a Waffle

1. No matter how late you stay out, they are still sweet in the morning
2. When you take one to the movies, it doubles as a date and a snack
3. If they go bad, you can throw them out without worrying about whose name is on the lease
4. They don’t get jealous if one morning you decide you’d rather have pancakes
5. You always know exactly what they’re made of
6. They always maintain their shape
7. Even the puffy round ones look good
8. Waffles are available 24/7
9. Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Butterworth are syrupy sweet in-laws
10. They come in a variety of flavors
11. Even if you marry a Belgian, they always speak your language
12. They have houses in 1500 locations across the U.S.
13. They never waffle on important decisions
14. Waffles sizzle instead of snore
15. They don’t complain when you turn up the heat
16. They don’t mind your morning breath
17. They never look at other waffle eaters and wish they were on their plate instead
18. When a waffle grows cold, it only takes thirty seconds to reheat it
19. Your mushy feelings do not bother them because, with enough syrup, they get mushy too
20. They are always ready on time
21. They make you feel all warm and buttery inside
22. They don’t change into something else halfway thru the meal
23. Even the fruity ones, and the nutty ones, are drama free
24. You never have to deal with their ex-waffle
25. If someone else touches your waffle, all you have to do is yell, “L’eggo my Eggo!”

10 Reasons You Should At Least Date A Waffle

1. They COME in a variety of flavors
2. You are always welcome to go back for seconds
3. They won’t be disappointed if you don’t finish eating them
4. They are satisfying regardless of size
5. The wet spot is always sweet
6. No one will call you a slut if you have more than one
7. They don’t protest when you top them with whipped cream
8. Waffle batter never hurts
9. They always fork on the first date
10.They enjoy a little light biting

My Beloved Waffle

My Beloved Waffle

The Kiss

The Kiss

The Happy Couple

The Happy Couple

Happily Ever After...

Happily Ever After…

Consummating the Marriage

Consummating the Marriage

Ginger Truitt Claremohr

Ginger Claremohr's award-winning column appears weekly in newspapers across the Midwest. She has also been published in Chicken Soup for the Soul, Bedpan Banter, church newsletters, her high school newspaper, and most notably, the Barry Manilow fan club magazine.

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6 Responses to 25 Reasons You Should Marry a Waffle

  1. Deb Martin-Webster
    August 28, 2016 at 2:28 pm

    I agree Ginger, because we all know that waffles have no major Eggo issues! Funny post!

  2. August 26, 2016 at 2:03 pm

    OMG, this is ingenious. They would never waffle on your decisions. You could use them to hold your ice cream! The list is hilariously endless…and btw…look at you in that wedding gown, all prettied up!!!!

  3. August 25, 2016 at 7:45 am

    Plus, you can stick ’em in the freezer until you’re in the mood for one. Fun post that puts waffles in an entirely new light!

  4. August 24, 2016 at 5:14 pm

    What happens if a waffle marries a toaster?

    A very hot relationship.

    😀

  5. August 24, 2016 at 3:02 pm

    I’m hopping to iHop to pick up some cute waffles.

  6. Bill Spencer
    August 24, 2016 at 11:30 am

    I can see what’s in it for you, Ginger, but if you married a waffle, wouldn’t he be a battered spouse?

    And is it right to forcibly mold him into exactly what YOU want him to be? Do you really knead that?



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