David Mamet’s “My Mom’s F#$King Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe | HumorOutcasts

David Mamet’s “My Mom’s F#$King Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe

November 22, 2016
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David Mamet’s “My Mom’s F#$King Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, celebrities everywhere will engage in that age-old past time of providing recipes to magazines and newspapers. In keeping with that tradition, we asked playwright and author, David Mamet, to provide us with an old family recipe for a classic Thanksgiving turkey. He provided us with, “My Mom’s F#$King Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe.”

List of Instructions for David Mamet’s “My Mom’s F@&king Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe”

Grab the Mother F@#$ing Turkey
Split the Friggin’ bird b@#$@es legs wide open
Stick the god damn stuffing up it’s F#@$ing A#$
Sprinkle on some seasoning you stupid B#$@%
Throw the C#$$ S@$(ing bird into the F@#$ing Oven
Sit your A#$ down
Pull the F#$@ing Turkey Out
Serve to your drunken pissant Mother F#@$ing relatives

Paul Lander

Paul Lander is not sure which he is proudest of — winning the Nobel Peace Prize or sending Sudanese peace activist, Fatima Ahmed Ibrahim, to accept it on his behalf, bringing to light the plight of central Africa’s indigenous people. In his non-daydreaming hours, Paul has worked as a writer and/or producer for shows on ABC, NBC, Showtime, The Disney Channel, ABC Family, VH1, LOGO and Lifetime. In addition, he’s written standup material that’s been performed on “Fallon,” “Maher” “Letterman,” “Conan” and “Last Comic Standing.” His humor pieces have been accepted at American Bystander, McSweeney‘s, The New Yorker, Bombeck Writers Workshop Blog, Santa Fe Writers Project Journal and Humor Times. He has won awards from the National Soc. of Newspaper Columnists, London’s Blogger’s Bash and Univ. of Dayton’s Bombeck Workshop. Now, on to Paul’s time commanding Special Forces in Khandahar…

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3 Responses to David Mamet’s “My Mom’s F#$King Awesome Thanksgiving Turkey Recipe

  1. November 23, 2016 at 11:11 am

    You have to admit “Fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, fuckin’ Ruthie, FUCKIN’ RUTHIE!” is a great opening line.

  2. Bill Spencer
    November 23, 2016 at 6:28 am

    What about dessert?

    • November 23, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      Bill Spencer gets the prize for Funniest Comment of the Week!



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