Johnny Football is a Vegas Party Machine | HumorOutcasts

Johnny Football is a Vegas Party Machine

January 6, 2016
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Johnny Manziel, sometimes Cleveland Browns quarterback, aka “Johnny Football” is a Las Vegas party machine.

Lets face it. It’s hard to party in the winter with Cleveland strippers when it’s so cold they’re always stuck to the pole.

And, besides, it’s dangerous partying with strippers in cold weather. Their nipples can put your eyes out.

Johnny Football needs his eyes. As far as this stripper stuff, I’m not an expert. The closest I’ve been was when my wife and I were out driving and we saw a sign reading “Dancers Wanted” so we went in and did the fox trot.

Len (from DWTS) wouldn’t have given a very high score and the bar didn’t think it was that funny, either. In that way you and the bar are alike. Yes, it was a strip bar where I noticed they had a sign on their wall reading “NO SHIRT, NO SHOES, NO SERVICE.”

I found that to be prophetic because the waitress had no shirt, no shoes and she didn’t serve us. I told my wife “This is an honest bar!”

Which she found surprising because this “honest bar” was in a municipality within Oklahoma City called “Valleybrook.” That village, full of strip bars, didn’t have that great of reputation. We asked a local why it was called Valleybrook and he said he didn’t know but they were thinking of calling it “Silicon Valleybrook” … As if it were full of …

Johnny Football’s latest party ventures found him wearing a strange blonde wig disguise. Whenever he’s drinking hard and partying harder a picture-recording cell phone always pops up in his room embarrassing the Brown’s management. To save their embarrassment, Mr. Football partied incognito, and by this, we don’t mean he partied with footballer Richie Incognito, but that he wore a stupid disguise, like this:

Mr. Football may be partying himself out of Cleveland. And who is to say that’s not a bad strategy? On the other hand, he might feel he’s needed in the desert areas with Lake Mead being down and the Goodmans (the mayor and spouse) calling for someone to make it rain.

Enough with the stripper jokes? I hear ya. The amazing thing is Johnny Manziel functions as a pretty good football player after partying. He might be the Babe Ruth of football. I know that’s silly because Ruth was one of the larger guys in the baseball of his day and Manziel is one of the smaller guys in today’s football. But as party animals, they’re comparable. We will never know because back in Ruth’s day there was no Las Vegas.

 

Stan Silliman

Sports writer for 13 years, my Bleacher Report articles in USA Today, LA Times, Forbes, Dallas Morning News. Seven books, 6000 jokes, 860 columns written. Also very active on a website called Kwipster. I've writtens for comics and cartoonists. Samples of some of my cartoon/humor books can be seen at www.comedyempirepress.com I'm also a comedian with regular appearances in New York, Dallas, Austin, Oklahoma City and Las Vegas. If I ever get on cruise ships, I'll let you know.

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3 Responses to Johnny Football is a Vegas Party Machine

  1. January 7, 2016 at 9:40 am

    I’m from Canton (Pro-football HOF) and Cleveland Browns fan territory. This guy showed some real promise this season. But, he doesn’t represent the face of the franchise like Tom Brady does he? I don’t feel he is a bad guy, just a frat boy who likes to party. Rumors say Dallas? Johnny and the Cowboy’s owner could party together on the way to a Super Bowl, typically the way it works for ex-Browns. lol Great post.

  2. Bill Spencer
    January 7, 2016 at 8:39 am

    eBuy Ad

    “For sale or barter: tat (in used condition). Prefer exchange for item of comparable value.”
    Contact: Johnny Football

  3. January 7, 2016 at 6:37 am

    oh that Johnny Football! What a moron.



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