Kathy’s Points to Remember | HumorOutcasts

Kathy’s Points to Remember

April 27, 2016
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1. Everyone who is not rich knows that rich people are never happy. If rich people were happy, the rest of us would have nothing to use to make ourselves feel better about not being rich.

2. Those beautiful House and Garden homes never look like someone actually lives there. They look like the people who live there were expecting a House and Garden photographer to come by. It leaves us wondering what the place looks like after a couple of kids and a dog have been in it for five minutes.

Tell the truth.  You really wouldn't be happy living here, would you?

Tell the truth. You really wouldn’t be happy living here, would you?


3. Our Moms always told us that if we ignored someone who was bothering us, the person would get bored, stop and go away. I have tried that. It doesn’t work. Clobbering the moron with the nearest blunt object while screaming obscenities as loud as possible is more effective. You will end up in jail, but the obnoxious ass can’t bother you if you are safely behind bars.

4. Never take advice from someone who publishes Points to Remember. This person is more to be pitied than obeyed.

See what I mean?

See what I mean?


5. If you keep up a bad habit long enough, scientists will discover that it is healthy.
Like this stuff

Like this stuff

================

Kathy Minicozzi is the author of “Opera for People Who Don’t Like It,” available on Amazon.com in paperback and Kindle formats.

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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13 Responses to Kathy’s Points to Remember

  1. April 29, 2016 at 5:14 am

    I still think it’s only fair for me to try being rich, before I judge rich people.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 29, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      Okay, but if you end up being both happy and rich, don’t tell me. I want to keep my illusions. 😉

  2. Bill Y Ledden
    April 29, 2016 at 5:05 am

    I’ve been bothering Jill Y for years and despite her ignoring me, I never go away. She took your advice, picked up the iron and done some clobbering. Now I have a fine understanding of boundaries and a nice, peaceful doghouse to go to! 😉

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 29, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      My job is done! 😉

  3. William Doubleday
    April 28, 2016 at 2:02 pm

    I like the hat! All church-related ladies should wear hats as St. Paul instructed. So much non-hat wearing sinful living these days.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 28, 2016 at 10:46 pm

      Hats are also a great way to hide your hair when it doesn’t look good. If church ladies realized this, they wouldn’t have to spend time on Saturday evening or Sunday morning washing, drying and/or messing around with their hair. Shove a hat on it, and nobody knows you are having a bad hair day.

      😀

  4. Yamadori, Alcindoro, Schaunard, Morales and Monterone
    April 27, 2016 at 5:27 pm

    Your book, ‘Opera For People Who Don’t Like It’ is on my shopping list.

    Great to find you writing these amusing lines, if not singing beautifully!

    Be well.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 28, 2016 at 10:41 pm

      Tante grazie!

      I put some Italian in there because opera singers do that all the time. Speaking phrases in different languages is a natural way of talking for us. Some people would say we are showing off … and they’re probably right. 😀

      Thanks for putting the book on your shopping list. It was both a lot of work and a lot of fun to write it!

  5. April 27, 2016 at 9:38 am

    People who say that we must love ourselves and make ourselves happy first are usually people who are fresh out of a relationship and can’t get laid.

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 27, 2016 at 3:32 pm

      Having only yourself to love can get pretty boring after a while, unless you have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. In that case, nobody will ever love you as much as you love yourself, so you might as well go ahead and do it. 😉

  6. Bill Spencer
    April 27, 2016 at 9:37 am

    Why a “blunt” object?

    • Kathy Minicozzi
      April 27, 2016 at 3:26 pm

      I don’t know. All those crime shows have victims being hit with blunt objects or blunt force trauma or something like that. It doesn’t sound as messy as hitting someone with a sharp object.

      Don’t blame me for this answer. You’re the one who asked. 😉



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