I’m trying just to focus on the games and ignore the Presidential Campaign, but politics is invading every facet of our lives, even the sacred Final Four. Rumor has it that Hillary Clinton has leaked all of the candidates’ feelings about the Final Four through her private server. Not surprisingly, Ted Cruz has picked North Carolina. Ted is against the government getting involved in people’s business, except, as with North Carolina, when it comes to telling people which bathroom they should use. Bernie Sanders has the radical position that the NCAA is rigged in favor of the largest and richest schools. He refuses to choose a winner, but dreams of a revolution in which the financial winner and eventual champion is a school like Herbert’s Wide Shoes and Horticultural College. Hillary is picking Pennsylvania’s Villanova, New York’s Syracuse, and Oklahoma, since she claims to be a resident of all three states. Trump is boycotting the Final Four, claiming that the NCAA has always treated him horribly by never inviting Trump University to the tournament. As for the women’s tournament, Trump doesn’t approve of women playing intercollegiate sports, but says he will watch the Women’s Final Four, because “those girls look really cute in their little uniforms.” A capacity crowd is expected for the Final Four, and John Kasich says that out of the 70,000 people who will be there, he’ll be the only grownup in the room.
This piece is very clever.
(I LIVE in North Carolina—where you need a photo ID to vote and a birth certificate to pee.)
What would we do without NC giving us bathroom direction Lloyd?
The Final Four was giving me such joy, until I realized some people thought it was Hillary, Donald, Ted and Bernie…I’m honored to be in your esteemed company,Lloyd. And don’t worry about the hormone thing, we gals have been successfully dealing with that for centuries. You’ll be fine in a decade or two!