President Barack Obama was arrested and led away in handcuffs last night on an outstanding domestic violence charge in Alaska. The President was nowhere near Wasilla, Alaska, where the assault of a young woman by former Governor Sarah Palin’s 26-year-old son Track occurred, but all involved agree that he is to blame. Obama’s blatant disrespect for the troops caused young Track to punch his girlfriend in the face and then it continued to cause him to wave an AR-15 around and make threats.
“This is a textbook case,” said Officer Ira Teaburger. “Open and shut, no doubt. The young Palin may have done the punching and brandishing of a weapon while being intoxicated, but there’s no doubt that President Obama is the real guilty party here. He’s presided over a nation that does not respect and honor their vets. Sure, there are constant “salute to the troops” and military discounts and their own hospital system and constant heartfelt thanks given by strangers, but our servicemen are treated like second class citizens in Obama’s America. Obama has pushed for more services for our brave veterans and Congress has repeatedly shot down any of those attempts. And that’s Obama’s fault. I’ve not seen even one of those ribbon magnets on Air Force One or any of those cars he drives around. What do you think that does to a young man? Well, obviously it makes him punch his girlfriend. For shame, Mr. President! It’s time that America returned to its roots of God and personal responsibility. If you do something wrong, you admit it and stand for the crimes. If Obama does not admit that what he’s done caused this domestic incident, then I believe we’ve lost a large part of what once made America great. Stand and account for your crimes, Obama.”
Sarah Palin gave a brief statement chastising the President for not flooding Iraq with more ground troops to “kick ISIS’ ass.” “He needs to send thousands and thousands of our troops back in there because right now he’s so weak only using airstrikes and it’s giving everyone PTSD.”
When Palin was asked to address the elephant in the room, she said she did not have anything to say to Governor Chris Christie and would prefer to talk about the subject of her latest endorsement, Donald Trump.