Record Number of ER Visits for Alcohol Poisoning Follow Presidential Debate Drinking Games

Half-full beer on the wooden table

Atlanta, September 27, 2016 – The CDC reported Tuesday morning that American hospitals are struggling to keep up with an acute epidemic of alcohol poisoning, linked to Monday night’s presidential debates.

“We had repeated reports of inebriated patients explaining they were playing a drinking game during the debate,” says John Smith, public relations specialist for the CDC. “Research on social media shows the most popular games involved taking a shot every time a candidate lied or said something trite. There’s one where you take a shot every time Trump interrupts Clinton. Another asks players to drink every time a candidate blames the other for a problem that’s been around for fifty years or more. One of the worst games involves taking a drink every time a candidate rolls their eyes, smirks, or suppresses hysterical laughter at the other candidate.”

An hour into the debate, hospitals across the country were flooded.

Smith says the CDC is scrambling to form a plan for the vice presidential debate, scheduled for October 4. “We’ve started an alcohol poisoning awareness campaign, to let people know the risks of participating in a drinking game during the debates. Our campaign slogan is, ‘Save some alcohol for after the election, you’ll probably need it.”

Smith adds the CDC wants people to know how unrealistic debate drinking games are. “I don’t care how fast you could chug a six-pack in college, the presidential candidates are professional liars, and their debates are like the Dishonesty Olympics. You will never be able to keep up with them, and trying could result in hospitalization or even death.”

Variations on the game that involve eating candy or popping a Xanax are no safer, according to Smith. “It’s very easy to overdose on Xanax, and obesity-related conditions like diabetes are on the rise in this country. If you want to play a drinking game during the debates, we recommend using water. It’s calorie-free and alcohol-free, and there’s little risk of overdosing. The only bad side effect is you will remember the whole debate the next day.”

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