Send in the Clowns?

Remember when clowns were friendly? There was Bozo and Ronald McDonald. There were circus clowns who drove around in little cars and made people laugh. But those clowns gave way to some not so nice clowns such as Stephen King’s Pennywise from the book It, who was responsible for the development of Coulrophobia or an abnormal fear of clowns in so many readers and moviegoers in the 1980s and 90s.

While the fear of clowns did become mainstream,  the threat of clowns seemed to ease a bit until this year when clowns mysteriously began appearing on sides of roads in several states. These frightening figures had only one goal in mind and that was to scare the crap out of motorists and pedestrians who spotted them lurking. Then, some of these painted purveyors of peril turned violent as well and once again and rightly so, the fear of clowns hit everyone—well almost everyone.

Who was not afraid? The people who seem to have a sexual fetish about them. Yes, there are people who get excited by clowns. I’m not making this up.  According to Buzz Feed, clowns have been one of the most common searches on porn sites. Laugh if you must, but there has been a 213 percent rise in searches  for clown porn.  Until I read this article, I didn’t even know there was such a thing as clown porn. I have to wonder what else I don’t know.

Anyway, this interest in…what should I call them…sex clowns?…well, this got me thinking and so I called up several friends. Three of my friends were pretty normal when it comes to life, but the other two (and they admit this themselves) tend to live on the not so normal or adventurous side of the street. I asked them to take part in my totally unscientific survey so I could determine what exactly people find attractive about clowns in an “intimate” setting or as I put it, “Why would clowns turn you on?”

Here are the answers that I can share with you without losing all the third-party ads on my site due to bad content.

• Clown clothes are cool.  This took me by surprise because while I try to avoid looking like a clown, two friends insisted that clown clothes are billowy and loose-fitting which makes them great for hiding body fat. Go figure.  One friend added that the big bow ties and striped socks were “pretty nifty.”
• Clown makeup.  I had nowhere to go with this one. It’s one of those things where you just say, “okay” and move on.
• Balloon animals: I had to ask for an explanation and here it is: One can add an entirely new aspect to bedroom games with a few good balloon animals of various colors and sizes and if one is a thrifty person, you can use condoms for the balloons and you’ve killed two birds with one stone so to speak (This one came from my most adventurous friend who I have now downgraded to an acquaintance because I’m  a tad freaked out.)

And finally,

• Clown feet are huge and that feeds into the old wives tale that the size of a man’s you-know-what correlates to the size of his feet, well… (you fill in the blanks there).

There you have it. The totally unscientific and somewhat bizarre reasons behind why clowns are once again in demand. YUK!