Tales of Trump Surrogates

According to an unnamed source, Trump held a huge party to celebrate his ongoing outreach to the African-American community and to show support for his very vocal surrogates.

To keep the “corrupt media” away and make it the best party ever, the event was held in a secret storage room deep beneath Trump Tower.

It’s a cavernous space where all of Trump’s products are kept. There are cases of Trump Steaks, Trump Wine, Trump Vodka, Trump Ties, Trump Shampoo, Trump Towels, Trump Toupees and gallons of Trump Water. There are also prototypes for the new Trump Mobile that is powered by hot air and inflated egos, and Trumpy-O’s Cereal which has little taste or substance.

Our sources told us that all of Trump’s female surrogates were extremely excited, and far from speechless to be there. All the women supporting their “big league” candidate have been outsourced from Stepford, CT.

A campaign official told our source that the Stepford women are easy to recruit and simple to train. “They quickly learn how to never directly answer a question and can use a deflector shield faster than Captain Kirk.”

These surrogates freely roam the country in support of Trump and are often seen lurking in the hallways of CNN, MSNBC and FOX News. They all have matching hairstyles, heavy makeup and a permanent grin that says “I know nothing except my talking points.”

“They have the ability to spin a tale faster than the Brothers Grimm.” A campaign insider said.

Hayley Sue McFlufferton, voted in high school most likely to be a Mary Kay Representative, told our source “Donald Trump really wants to bond with the Black community. He understands their struggles because he lives close to Harlem. I think he can actually see it from his penthouse.”

McFlufferton also shared the T.R.U.M.P. doctrine his campaign teaches surrogates.

“Trash Hilary, Raise Conspiracy Theories, Undermine Logic, Manipulate Facts and Pander as often as possible.”

“We memorize this and use it in all our talking points,” she advised.

McFlufferton reported that Trump knows all about soul food, so he served Popeyes chicken and orange Kool-Aid at the party.

“Mr. Trump is not a racist. Look at his diet,” McFlufferton said. “He eats fried chicken every Monday which is followed by Taco Bowl Tuesday.

It’s reported that the surrogates “Donald’s Posse” partied all night drinking gallons of the orange punch.

“All the surrogates are revitalized and want to spread the word of Trump,” McFlufferton said. “We are all on the same page, we are all focused on Election Day, and we all drank the Kool-Aid.”