It has happened to all of us at some point. We receive a gift that makes us go, “Ouch!” Some of the more honest or desperate among us will ask the gift giver for the receipt so that we can exchange the thing or get the money. For those of us who were raised the old fashioned way, that is not an option. We are expected to wax ecstatic over even the most tasteless, useless and ugly things that were ever enclosed in gift wrap or sent through the mail.
To ease the pain of having to compose a thank-you note for some monstrosity, here is my Awful Gift Thank You Note Generator.
Dear (Insert name of gift giver):
Thank you so much for your _______
a. thoughtful
b. unusual
c. imaginative
d. colorful
e. indescribable
f. one-of-a-kind
gift. It will make a fine addition to _________
a. our home
b. our bedroom
c. my collection
d. my collection of redneck art
e. the space underneath the kitchen sink
f. the back yard, next to the discarded pickup truck parts
We/I have always wanted a(n) __________
a. wall plaque that sings “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” whenever someone walks by it
b. statue of Nefertiti with a clock in her forehead
c. hand crocheted, pink motorcycle handlebar cover
d. gift certificate for three free bungee jumping lessons
e. moaning teakettle with pornographic pictures on it
f. orange, green and purple boa
and now we/I have one. It will be a topic of conversation for many years to come.
Love,
(Insert name of recipient)
That should do it.
That moaning teakettle would do well on eBay. especially if you can take a picture and upload it as a GIF.
Oh, I thought you had something that generated awful thank you notes. This is much more useful!
It is my mission in life to be useful and funny at the same time. Sometimes I actually manage to do that. 😉
This thank-you note generator is so efficient that you’ll have even MORE time on your hands, Kathy!
That’s the idea, right? 😉
Ha! I actually have an Aunt who collects awful gifts in a closet. Every time she has to give a gift, she simply goes into the closet and picks one.
It’s the ultimate in sharing!
Just think, if I’d saved all the crappy gifts she’s given me, and repurposed them, I could’ve saved thousands on gifts I’ve given over the years.
It’s the thought that counts, right?
I hope, for your aunt’s sake, that she doesn’t accidentally give something back to the person who gave it to her! LOL!
This post is
a. clever
b. useful
c. helpful
d. wonderfully specific
e. funny
Correct Answer: All of the above
Aw shucks! *blushes*
Thank you, Sir!