Trump Aversion Therapy Bill Passed by House | HumorOutcasts

Trump Aversion Therapy Bill Passed by House

November 2, 2016
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imgresIn an unusual show of unity, House Republicans joined House Democrats to pass the “TAT” Bill (421-2),  allocating 300 million dollars towards the rehabilitation of Trump supporters using the controversial Trump Aversion Therapy technique.

Details of the therapy have not been released, but sources confirm Trump Aversion Therapy (TAT) would include the administration of the nausea-inducing drug apomorphine, while participants watch Fox News’ Sean Hannity, read stories on Breitbart News, and view clips of Donald Trump’s campaign rallies.

Additionally, TAT snap bands will be given to program participants with instructions to snap their wrist while repeating the following phrases: Make America Great Again, She destroyed her emails, But what about Benghazi, But look at what Bill Clinton did, and I’ll date her in ten years.

Sources say Electroconvulsive therapy has not been ruled out, possibly being reserved for Trumps’ female followers, clearly in the most need of help.

Rehabilitation measures will include sensory reattachment therapy. In this phase of the treatment participants will dine on a gluten free meal of sea scallops tartar, mushroom risotto, and grilled wild French turbot, while sipping a California sauvignon blanc, as they enjoy marathon viewing sessions of Rachel Maddow, Beyonce’s Lemonade, and a video feed of the Broadway hit, Hamilton.

Rep. Richard Dickman (R-FL), who co-authored the legislation, said, “We hope this will be seen as an olive branch to our Democratic peers,” and then added, “and if we have any hope of ever electing a Republican candidate again – someone who is likely more reprehensible but who hides it better – we need to rid the party of this undesirable, say-exactly-what-we’re-all-thinking type element.

 

Originally posted on The Dandy Goat

Kristen Brakeman

Kristen Hansen Brakeman writes comic essays about parenting and other hazardous endeavors. She's been published in the Huffington Post, the New York Times Motherlode, Washington Post, CS Monitor, Working Mother Magazine, Scary Mommy, LA Parent, and others. To pay for booze and candy, Kristen works on comedy and award show shows. Follow her on Twitter at @KristenBrakeman

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4 Responses to Trump Aversion Therapy Bill Passed by House

  1. Bill Spencer
    November 3, 2016 at 7:05 am

    According to leaked emails, Democrats in return for Republican support of TAT had to pledge support for TIT, the Trump-Induced Trauma bill for treatment of all those suffering from Post-Trump Stress Disorder.

    • November 3, 2016 at 2:48 pm

      I’m definitely suffering from PTSD – this election has worn me out!

  2. November 3, 2016 at 6:54 am

    I think it’s too late to gain any advantage to this therapy. When he loses, and he will, he will still be permanently imprinted into our brains. Our own form of the apocalypse

    • November 3, 2016 at 2:49 pm

      you are probably right. Permanent damage to our collective psyche!



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