A Letter to Hurricane Jose | HumorOutcasts

A Letter to Hurricane Jose

September 18, 2017
By

Dear Jose:

May I call you Jose?

Thank you for staying mostly out to sea and only sending us some relatively wimpy wind and rain. Your cousins Harvey and Irma leveled east Texas, a good swath of the Caribbean and most of Florida. It’s going to take people a long time to clean up the mess, and some of the poorer, less hurricane-proofed areas, such as some of the Caribbean islands, might not recover at all.

I acknowledge the fact that tropical cyclones blow around according to laws of physics and that global warming is stirring up more and more of you. That said, did THREE of you have to come, one after another, including one wimp (i.e. you) and two killers? And did you have to tag along right after Irma, hit the Caribbean again and make people as far north as New York and New England nervous? Shame on you.

I’m happy that all we will get here in New York are some riptides, some storm surge, a churned up Atlantic Ocean, high wind and rain. People will have to stay indoors and watch for flooding in some areas, but at least you won’t be tearing roofs off houses, throwing dangerous things around and uprooting things. We would appreciate it if you would refrain from knocking down any trees and power lines.

Oh yes … We all know how much you love making U-turns out there in the ocean. Don’t make another one, please. Just stay out there, head further northeast, and die, like a good cyclone.

Sincerely,

Kathy Minicozzi
Who is happy to live on high ground in The Bronx, away from the ocean

Kathy Minicozzi

Kathy Minicozzi is an opera singer turned aspiring writer, who lives somewhere in New York City. In other words, she's weird, but harmless. She is the author of "Opera for People Who Don't Like It," in which she turns the world of opera and its performers upside down while, at the same time, making it understandable to non-opera lovers and making everyone laugh.

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5 Responses to A Letter to Hurricane Jose

  1. Bill Y "The Legend" Ledden
    September 24, 2017 at 8:05 am

    I sure hope Jose can read.

  2. September 19, 2017 at 11:27 am

    Well that was asked so nicely, how could it refuse?

    • September 19, 2017 at 1:18 pm

      My mother taught me always to say “please” and “thank you,” even when I am asking someone to head away from me and die.

  3. Bill Spencer
    September 19, 2017 at 7:43 am

    And I think it’s time you started singing, “How do you solve a problem like Maria?”

    • September 19, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      Oh yes! Another one! Bring ‘er on!



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