Ben Carson Braids Donald Trump’s Hair For Black History Month | HumorOutcasts

Ben Carson Braids Donald Trump’s Hair For Black History Month

January 31, 2017
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The hair bonding economic session is featured in the February 2016 issue of Ebony. Photo: Black Republicans For Trump.

The hair bonding economic session is featured in the February 2016 issue of Ebony. Photo: Black Republicans For Trump.

Spring is in the hair, and with it a new change in seasons and style. Republican presidential hopefuls are riding this new wave of hairstyling to impress in a strategy to increase their dwindling fan base of nonexistent minorities.  As they put it, it’s to reach the people on their level. After all, the number one issue facing minority America isn’t taxes or adequate healthcare.

It’s cheap affordable hairstyles that won’t break the bank.

Donald Trump and Ben Carson show all black people in the February issue of Ebony magazine that they can take time away from their highly publicized presidential nomination pissing contest to get their hair fried, dyed, and braid to the side on a budget with no political shade whatsoever. Let these two tell it, there’s nothing but GOP love in the house when it comes to commonality of cost-effective hairstyling in today’s economy.

The featured in depth interview sheds light on the economic hardships black voters face when dealing with their own traditional hair, which could include expensive hairpieces and other accessories. Trump, who takes honor at being considered tender-headed by the black community, gets braided up in cornrows by Carson.

Both candidates hope to reach a new demographic of the black community not seen by Republican candidates previously. Carson thinks his hair braiding skills will give him street credibility amongst democratic leaning inner-city blacks while validating his inner realness.

“Sometimes you have to get braiding or die trying,” Carson comments trying to be hip.

Trump, who has taken massive criticisms from black leaders for previous racist remarks, is using the opportunity to prove once and for all he understands the influence of hair on the black community and how it shapes their economic and employment outlook. He’s even had a change of heart on the work ethic of blacks after experiencing his first non-Caucasian influenced style.

“I thought laziness is a trait in blacks until I got my hair done. No wonder they don’t have energy for anything else. I’m tired just sitting here this long.” he says in the candid article.

Hair hustling makes the man, and the man also makes the hair hustling.

The hair dynamic Republican duo hopes readers will walk away with a better image of the Republican party being sensitive to the hidden issues and time constraints black people are experiencing with their hair, and want to do something about it.

“A lot of people in the party don’t realize the time and effort of black hair, which is unappreciated in sustainable employment ventures.” Carson says of the hours of manpower he put into Trump’s head. “The party is brave enough not to be jealous of the creativity and decry hair discrimination.”

It’s a long road ahead to convince people your party is not filled with balding old guys with bad hairpieces of static cling out of touch with contemporary style. However, it’s a nice hallmark card moment to suggest all black neurosurgeons have a great career braiding hair when they retire.

While this would be shameful and typically accused of perpetual blackface, its actually quite the contrary. Trump’s hairpieces in debates look more like plastic mannequin hair designed by demoted cosmetology students aspiring for floor positions at Hair Club for Men if they are fortunate enough to graduate. Carson’s hair looks like scattered pieces of lint trying to unify at a common point of view; by his own omission he doesn’t have enough hair to lay a good track piece of weave with glue.

The Republicans have caught hell in this election cycle for their hair. The unique cast of characters have taken public criticism for the lack of their hair care in debates and other appearances, turning off potential black and other minority voters. These and other racially charged character strengths the dynamic duo implore in the upcoming Black History Month issue for Ebony Magazine.

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin

Gwendolyn L. Spelvin is a philosopher of the Edward Bernays Century of Self, a follower of Sigmund Freud’s explorations of the subconscious mind through chemical means, and an avid enthusiast of Adolph Hitler’s short-lived ballet career before he rose through the ranks of the Third Reich. Spelvin had dedicated her post academic career as an innovative writer that creates a written vision to prove misanthropic tendencies works with an audience, crafting a message that sways public approval towards her client’s products to the guarantee of the masses blindly supporting the company agenda without them knowing it. A dirty job, but someone has to pacify the idiots who know not what they blindly support into a continuing trek of oblivion. Last, but not least, Spelvin is a firm believer in the annihilation of the JUSTIN BELIBERS. Currently she is working on her cookbook, To Serve A Hot Man: Jeffrey Dahmer's Classic Recipes due out this Christmas.

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4 Responses to Ben Carson Braids Donald Trump’s Hair For Black History Month

  1. Melo
    February 1, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    Because Trump too has secretly lusted in his heart for a new do.

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 1, 2016 at 5:37 pm

      First time I’ve ever heard Trump, lusted, and heart in the same sentence.

  2. Bill Spencer
    January 31, 2016 at 3:50 pm

    At first I thought it was a boxing metaphor, but now I realize the true import of the headline “GOP Debaters Bob and Weave in Free-for-All.”

    • Gwendolyn L. Spelvin
      February 1, 2016 at 5:35 pm

      Knowing the GOP it might wind up becoming a grab bag gift to get butts in the seats for the next debate.



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